Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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