Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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