It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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