well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
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Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
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I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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