You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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