Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
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Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
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My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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