I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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