I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
