There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
did i just pee glitter
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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