John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
