We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
