Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
