broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize