I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
