operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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