i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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