lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
