She is in my trunk
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
