capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
