I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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