when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
