They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
