dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
