i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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