I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
