just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
