So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Randomize
