she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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