Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
