if you like me you must not know who I am
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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