Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
