Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
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