What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
