i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
