My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
