i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
