I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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