i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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