Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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