I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
sex in a hospital.. check
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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