I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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