No awkward lesbian experiences without me
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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