whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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