I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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