I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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