Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
