just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
