At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
