I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
