Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Randomize
