hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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