I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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