At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
