I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
