we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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