i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
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I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
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I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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