There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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