Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You made out with two different species that night
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Randomize
