he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
